Tom got his cookie!

I just really needed resolution. The following was written as a continuation, as per request of my student.

Tom flopped onto the ground, tail limp and bill quivering in sadness. He had been looking forward to munching and crunching on his friend's delicious cookies too. Then, as he looked around, he saw everyone holding onto a cookie and looking happy. Now, that wasn't too bad. Perhaps, some of them might not even have had a chance to eat cookies before this party! He might not have a cookie now but he would always have an opportunity for another next time! Feeling better, Tom got back onto his feet.

Right then, a wee little hedgehog trotted over. "Hi Tom," the hedgehog squeaked, "I heard that you were coming and was worried that there might not be enough cookies, so I made this for you."

The hedgehog reached its tiny paw into a crinkled paper bag. Out came a cookie with bits of earthworm in it. "I added my favourite worms. I find they add quite an exotic flavour."

Tom accepted the cookie gratefully and bit into it. It tasted odd but it was the softest, moistest and most flavourful cookie he had ever eaten. Tom smiled. He might not have gotten the best cookies but he had found something better - a friend.

Of Life's Little Blessings

I stumbled upon this sometime back in October last year while browsing Facebook. Back then, I'd been dealing with some personal issues - perhaps I'll write about that someday - and burnt out from work and life. At no point of time, was I in any position or emotionally or mentally capable of feeling  grateful.

So I saved it and left it for a time when I'd be in a better position to. Where I am, now, I look back with mixed feelings. It's strange how so much can change within just a year; how much life can teach in the span of just 12 months.

2016 is a year that I look back on with mixed feelings. It wasn't particularly terrible but bridges were burnt, relationships were forged and lessons were learnt. And I am grateful for the lessons learnt.

2016 had been a year where many dark secrets were uncovered and some suspicions I'd long harboured about a group of people been confirmed. To realise that I'd been played the fool all this while had hurt, but I'm glad that it had happened. It truly enabled me to view things through a fresh perspective and to be able to develop a deeper compassion for people who're hurting - and this had proven helpful when dealing with a friend who was dealing with betrayal of her own.

2016 was also a year where I finally came to terms with myself. With that, came a newfound strength to move on and to allow myself genuinely engage with others; to allow myself to be vulnerable and be part of a community. To know that I can be freely myself without having to watch every word I say and every step I take is liberating, to say in the least.

More importantly, all of this helped me to realise who and what really mattered to me, and vice versa. It helped me to discover who were the ones who would stand by me even when I wasn't all quite there.

So here's to those who've stood by me. I don't regret or hate 2016 but I look forward to what's to come for 2017.

I do wonder...

It had been a good time of working out with my friend. I had just gotten off the train at Jurong and was currently rushing for one of the last few buses to Seven Star Aquarium. After all, I would've liked to avoid paying for a cab home on midnight charge if I could.

There, as I waited in line, planning the loaches I would buy to feast upon my snaily denizens, I heard a plaintive voice call out to me in Mandarin. She had a distinctive Malaysian accent. I turned around to see a disheveled middle-aged woman, encumbered by a large bag of what I could only assume were her belongings. It would appear that she was fresh from some village or rural part of Malaysia on her way to work.

Two expressions dominated her worn features: Fear and Panic.

Fumbling over words and on the verge of tears, she asked if I could contact her friend to pick her up from the interchange. The bus from Johor Bahru to Jurong had been severely delayed and she had now missed the final train to her lodging. She had just discovered that all her local currency had been stolen as well.

Momentarily, xenophobia and a cautiousness borne from one too many con-artists kicked in. I contemplated ignoring her and continuing my way - only three people were left in line boarding the bus. After all, I really had much better and more important things to do (like buying those loaches) than to babysit someone who couldn't even take care of her own personal belongings. Who knew if she was even telling the truth?

Perhaps it was the Divine pricking my conscience, or perhaps it was something in her demeanor, but I relented. There was no harm in dialing a simple number. So, I did.

The nervous energy she radiated was strong. She uttered a quick "Thank you" and took my phone to banter with her to-be saviour. Her expression of relief quickly fell to one of despair and resignation.

He was not coming.

Her only alternative, now, was to remain at the interchange by her lonesome till 6AM.

That wouldn't do. It wasn't safe for a woman to be alone for hours past midnight. I offered to call her a cab to fetch her home. She immediately refused, apologising profusely and stating that she had imposed far too much on me already.

But it was not safe. A group of men, reeking of alchohol, had gathered in a distance to watch our exchange. Grabbing her bag, I marched her over to the station's taxi stand. She wrung her hands and confessed that this was her first time in Singapore. In the corner of my eye, I saw the group of men following us. Was that a glint of metal?

Change of plans.

"Why don't we go to JEM's taxi stand? There'll be more cabs there." I offered in faltering Mandarin.

We swiftly made our way to where a group of cabbies were dozing in their vehicles. There, a security guard was making his rounds. The group of men paused before they turned around and ambled away. I ushered her into the cab and paid the driver. With  the instructions to deliver her to her place safely given, he drove off.

I do wonder though...

...what could have happened if I had just ignored her and gotten onto the bus? Or, perhaps, an alternate reality where my mother, or my sister, or a woman dear to me had been in this situation.

What could have happened then?

Alas, who has time to consider such trivial matters? I have loaches to buy.

Creative Writing Tips: Usage of Sound

One of the most common questions I've been asked, when my students are faced with an essay, is how to write a descriptive piece. From personal experience and collective questioning, it seems that one of the trickiest bits in describing is the translation from what's in the mind to actual words on paper.

It's kind of like artwork but wordier. Like, how a picture speaks a thousand words but you actually write a thousand words.

...

... ...

...okay. I'll stop now. I'm sorry. Back to the topic at hand.

One of the thing's that I've found to be particularly helpful in writing is having a core topic in mind. So, let's say it's an essay question, a question I always ask myself and my student is, "What's the main point of this question?" If it's simply creative writing, it gets easier: What's the plot or running theme behind this?

Something else I've always found helpful is to always keep in mind that description is experiential. While there're many tools and skills available to enable us to describe, the ultimate goal is to help the reader envision what we have in mind - to encounter, dwell in and experience our created/fictional world; to have an immersive multi-sensory experience.

We've all heard the "Show, not tell" advice when it comes to writing. How do we go about with that? What does it even mean?

The suspense and horror genres tend to make full use of this advice. For example, to state would be something like, "The scary monsters in Jimmy's room sneaked out from under his bed and closet, and killed him."

That's making a statement with a few adjectives thrown in. To show would be to tell how exactly this whole thing happened. What was Jimmy's experience like? Was there rising terror? What were the details he paid attention to?

In this case, I would employ sensory details relating to sound. We rely primarily on our sight for details. When that it impaired or removed, the rest of our senses become so much keener. That bump that we hear sounds so much more sudden and louder.

Here would be an example of how I'd do it.

---------------

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

The hands of the clock tick steadily, breaking the dead silence of his room. Jimmy's heart thumps in his chest, matching the unyielding ticking of the clock. How much time has passed since he has felt their eyes on him - those glowing orbs peeking out from his closet?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Jimmy pulls the covers further up and shrinks into them. What is that steady dripping behind the door?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

All he can see are those intensely glowing orbs. He sniffs silently, stifling his sobs. There is a permeating scent of iron and sulphur. It reminds him of how his grandfather used to sprinkle sulphur to ward off serpents on camping trips. However, he is sure sulphur will do no warding tonight.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

A scream for Mother threatens to rip its way out of his throat but he must stay silent. What the hell is that scratching under his bed?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

His bedroom door swings open and relief fills him momentarily before crashing terror descends.

Tick.

---------------

Note that this writing style follows closer to creative writing - where the rules of grammar are significantly more lenient - than what is allowed in academic essay writing.

Now, what are the little things I've worked in?

1. Note that throughout, I do not mention fear specifically till the end.
2. The pattern and rhythm of ticking is matched to the rhythm of his heart in the first paragraph. Note how it keeps a steady rhythm till the final line, where it ends abruptly. What do you think happened here?
3. The nouns, verbs and adjectives I use consistently apply to death, fear and the supernatural - commonly used tropes in conventional horror.
4. Rather than state it directly, I use metaphors to express an idea. It helps to get the reader to think and visualise the scene. For example, steady dripping and the smell of iron would be references to blood, glowing orbs to eyes, serpents and sulphur to the devil and hell, and Mother refers to the safety children seek when they are terrified in the night. The closet and bed, of course, refer to the common hiding places for monsters and night terrors.
5. The entire piece is a step-by-step process of Jimmy's fears and observations. Note how I write it mainly in present tense to express the story unfolding for the reader and Jimmy, neither part knowing what will happen specifically till it actually happens.

Hopefully this little tip helps you in writing descriptive pieces!

Do you wanna see a cute skink?

Ever seen a skink before? Nope? Come check it out in the No Limits Facebook page! Click on the image to get there!

Of Rantings and Kindness

I guess now's a time as good as any to bury those who dare oppose me and spoil me day with nastiness.

Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people.

Dennis Prager

They say that kindness comes from the unlikeliest of places. This was perhaps made more clear to me today, on a day when I was sick and struggling around with getting through the day. To be honest, I was quite overwhelmed by the unusual kindness presented to me within a short evening, from three unlikely individuals on two separate occasions.

For those who know me, I'm a very independent person who's not likely to ask for help. Perhaps some part of it lies in me keeping mostly to myself but that's a story for another time.

For the first part, I was pushing an entire bag of plumerias on my trolley when some person bumped extremely hard into me and caused the plumerias to fall onto the ground, bruise and break. The (TOXIC!) sap also got splattered onto my arm and some nearly went into my eye. Definitely a huge no-no since the sap can cause severe skin irritations and blindness.

The person had the cheek to glare and me as if I was the one who'd bumped into me. And I would have smacked the person with a plumeria branch if he'd decided to pick on me further, considering my arm was hurting from the contact with the plumeria sap and a rash was coming out.

Thankfully, he stormed off.

Then this old man decided he ought to be "helpful" by shouting out instructions on how to transport my plumeria branches - by putting them into a container I'd be passing to Starbucks.

Needless to say that was not an option. Toxic sap and coffee don't go together. Thanks for the embarrassment too. Everyone was simply sitting there, on the bus, and staring at me or gesticulating and me and laughing about the whole thing.

I would've been overwhelmed by the whole situation if not for a kind soul who came by to help me hold my trolley and help me hold the bag open for me to toss in the mangled pieces.

My momma always told me to clean up after myself after all, even if the mess and pain and injury was caused by a**holes.

So this kind soul was not someone you'd consider popular guy material. Tall, lanky, geeky with the weirdest teeth. Definitely the kind you'd find picked on in school. But you know what? I'll probably remember this guy for his kindness far more than every other "good-looking" or "socially acceptable" person I come across. Or the loud old man.

Later that night, I was struggling with an electric kettle (bless the kind soul who donated it for the tuition centre and kids!), my trolley, my body bag and a huge tub of used coffee grounds.

And I'm on the bus.

And everyone was glaring at me as if I have offended their entire line of ancestors for bringing a full trolley onto the bus.

Then this woman snapped at me to go back to the Philippines.

First of all, I'm a Singaporean Chinese with Singaporean parents. Secondly, what's up with the xenophobia? An elitist mindset doesn't make you more of an honourable Singaporean citizen or human being.

Anyways, I ignored her but I was immensely annoyed. Then, this kind man (he looked like a Bangladeshi national) gave up his seat for me to sit and arrange my stuff. And another old man helped me to hold my trolley while I settled down.

So, an overall crappy day with people rearing their ugly sides while I was sick from all the ashes and haze but those moments of kindness definitely made it a whole lot better.

Missed the SG50 Garden Party Updates? Check out the highlights here!

Missed out of the SG50 Garden Party? Fret not! Here's a throwback to the highlights of the event! Click on the image below to get there!

What do you want to be?

I never did understand why it was a world only I could see though. The 1990s was a time when everyone was pretty big on rigorous studying, memorising and exams. It was all about numbers. A genuine career in art, writing and games in Singapore was unheard of. It was the thing left to hippies, hobbies and irresponsible people with no career-mindedness.

My art and writing were things done in secrecy. I had no role model and no one to talk to about it. Any mentions of it were brushed aside as childish and stupid. After all, what did a child know about dreams and aspirations?

Interested in reading more? Check it out by clicking on the image below!

Overly Dramatic Reading: A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed

So I promised my student to take a video of myself reading her essay dramatically in a onesie.

"A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed" is the stuff of gloriously bad fanfiction.

Say Something (A Great Big World) Cover

Not Alone (Red) Cover

Want to learn about how to create healthy soil without blowing your budget? Click on the picture to find out more!

Ever wondered how you can maintain a beautiful garden without bursting your water bill? Click on the tasty picture to find out!

It's all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits.

XiaoMao is back! For real!

I am very pleased and excited to reveal this latest development. In all honesty, I'm a little nervous about this - given my erratic schedule and all - but I'm determined to make this work!

To check out more of XiaoMao and follow XiaoMao, go to the Facebook Page!

Of Onesies, Headbanging Men and Confused Inverse Centaurs

Wanna see the video in higher definition? Click on the link!

Absolutely Important Tuition Assignment

BLK 666

Bodoh Lane, #06-66

Singapore 666666

Mr. Richard Ovawurticus Tutor

Language Tutor

Reputable Centre Pte Ltd

Education Cove Street 25

Singapore 123456

Dear Mr. Richard Ovawurticus Tutor,

Absolutely Important Tuition Assignment

My name is Chao Giam Siap. I am an extremely concerned parent. I have a very bright child. However, I am extremely worried for my offspring’s grades. My offspring is only able to attend classes in the wee hours of the morning or late into the night. Most of the people in your industry have flexible work hours I don’t see why none of you can make time for my offspring.

I have done extensive searching online and spoken with many of my high-flying colleagues and have come to the conclusion that you have many years of teaching experience, understand what you’re teaching about, have a positive track record and provide an excellent and professional service. However, it is SG50 and the Great Singapore Sale is commencing in a few months. It is to my understanding that many service providers offer greatly discounted rates to celebrate this. I would like to ask if you can give me a special discounted rate. Not too much of a discount. I have manners, mind you. Maybe just a 50% discount. I promise that it will be kept a secret between us. This arrangement will remain a secret and be taken with me to my grave. You can trust me.

In return for this, I will tell everyone about how great you are. It’s great exposure! I know that you’ll earn a lot less and have to starve a little because you’ve taken my offspring on and will be unable to teach others who are willing to pay normal rates. But think about it! Think of all the people who will want to enlist your services after I spread word around.

Education is the future of our youths and you, as an educator, are at the forefront of this. Your name will echo in the hallways of history as one of the change-makers of society! It is an honour. And because it’s an honour, I would like you to consider the honour of maybe, just maybe, doing it all for free. I will, of course, be kind and keep ensure you have a steady supply of tap water and oxygen in the room. You will have to make your own arrangements for food and transport.

I look forward to your quick and favourable reply,

Chao Giam Siap

Dear Heian, reporting defective plants from your garden

From:		Quan Bu Shi <everythingdie@hotmail.com>
To:		Heian Edenwood <heianedenwood@gmail.com>
Date:		23 April 2014 at 00:52
Subject:		Reporting Defective Plants from Your Garden

Rageface from drawception.com

Dear Heian,

I am a very displeased resident of your estate. I am writing to you this letter in response to the fiftieth plant that you have given me from the garden, that has died in my toilet. It is to my understanding that you said that this plant is remarkably hardy.

Attached is the following plant you gave to me 10 weeks ago.

I understand that you said that this plant grows incredibly well and is considered a weed. A nice fragrant weed with medicinal qualities but still essentially a weed. I also understand that you said that this plant is grown in full sun and splashed with water from the hose daily. Not much care apart from that.

However, I have taken to heed about you saying that it is a hardy plant. So, in order to beautify my toilet and hopefully eliminate the smell of urine and faeces like one of those minty air fresheners, I have put it in. The pot that the mint plant was in was really ugly as well, so I pulled the whole plant out and stuffed it into a black pot. You said you're an artist and designer. Don't you have any sense of aesthetics?

Attached is a photo of my toilet.

I know that you have said many times that you have no wish to see what my toilet looks like but I insist. I'm very sure that you can figure out a way to ensure that I have a steady supply of peppermint to perfume my toilet.

There is no sunlight that really enters the toilet so it's really dark. But the plant gets light whenever I go in for a shower, about two times a day, when I'm in town. But I also travel a lot so I can be away for days.

So the plant gets around 2 hours of fluorescent lighting a day, if I'm around. If I'm overseas, it gets no light for days till I get back. I also water it once every few days, assuming I remember.

I don't get why it can't grow. You said that it was low maintenance. A weed. A fucking weed, you said. This is what it looks like now. This is what I came home to. A pathetic pile of detritus. I have brought it out the the kitchen where it has some sunlight so you can see what a terrible state it's in.

Photo from runningwithspoons.com

This is the fiftieth plant you have given me that is defective. I am extremely displeased with your service. I demand a full refund. I know the mint plants were given to me for free but I think you ought to be obliged to help me set up a proper growing garden in my house since all your plants are defective.

I don't think you were being honest with me when you said they were low maintenance. This is why I pluck plants from your garden instead. At least I know it's my fault when they die. I hope you have a proper time of self-reflection on how shitty your service is as a volunteer in the garden and providing quality service to us residents.

In the meantime, I will go buy a mint plant from a reputable company like How Does Your Garden Grow.

You suck,

Quan Bu Shi

Totally necessary disclaimer because some people just don't get it: This is satire. According to Google, this means the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize a person's or people's lack of... thought or vices, in the context of topical issues. But do support local companies like 'How Does Your Garden Grow'! Plants sold by local companies who deal with locally grown plants (rather than imported) are much more likely to be acclimatized to Singapore's weather and last longer to bring you more joy!

Some Garden DIY

For those of you who know me, I do quite a fair bit of gardening. For those of you who know me better, I'm pretty huge on homesteading (or feeble attempts at it) and recycling junk into something useful for the garden.

All these little DIY projects have helped me saved some serious moolah. Let's take this nice little garden apron, for example:

This was originally from an old pair of jeans that no longer fit me. Mind you, it's a 7-year old pair of jeans so I don't think I actually put on weight.

Yeah. The jeans must have shrunk. That can be the only reason.

Anyways, I took a nice pair a scissors and snipped up the back portion of my jeans, and voila! A nice, durable garden apron. This apron even has 2 nice little pockets to store my tools, sans balls stabbing.

I tried it on and found that it was still slightly too tight so I added a few rubber bands as an elastic extension.

Nifty, eh?

My knack of storing junk for repurposing at a later time has met much chagrin from the mother, though. But can you blame me when even an exhausted Thirsty Hippo container can be turned into a wicking container?!

The best part is that the container was essentially free (it would've been thrown away anyway) and I now have a plant that I know I won't have to worry about if I want to go on an extended holiday.

So what else did I repurpose and upcycle?

One of the largest offenders of plastic waste entering the oceans, of course! Plastic bottles!

I was reading up on vertical gardens and how they can maximise air space and reduce water wastage when it came to watering the plants inside. I mean, considering global warming, the recent scorching weather, global water shortage and Singapore's lack of real natural resources, I figured this was worth looking into.

One can never be too sure when a zombie apocalypse will occur.

That one tower became two towers.

As you can see, a single tower looks pretty ugly by itself but it looks better when done as a group. The entire railing will probably be filled up with more vertical planters as time goes by.

Here's how it works. Water is fed into the green bottles (holes have been poked into the base) and it all flows down the bottles, ensuring water reaches all the plants. The end result? Everything gets watered with less than 500ml flowing down the drain per vertical setup. This is significantly less compared to if we were to water with a watering can. Imagine all the savings in the water bill!

I'll keep you all updated on the evolution of this plant wall. Keeping my fingers crossed on this being a success!

Have any other ideas? Post them below and we'll chat!

A Day in My Life as a Tutor

Working as a teacher can be an incredibly vibrant occupation, be it part-time or full-time. There are many moments filled with great joy and fulfillment; days where I truly find myself believing that this is truly my calling.

Then there are those days when I want to face palm myself so hard that it smashes right through the second-hand IKEA desk at the centre. I don't mean that I hate my job, mind you. It's just one of those moments where I'm not quite sure on whether I want to laugh or throttle my students.

Here's a look into one of those offending days:

So I was covering a well-prepared lesson on plotting and drafting an essay, and working in description. It was all going pretty well for the first part.

The topic was about an encounter with a giant cockroach while cycling in the park and the theme was comedy. An easy enough topic, right? Who hasn't seen someone else panic from flying cockroaches in the most hilarious ways possible?

So this happened. Well, I suppose that would be response from most of us if a human-sized cockroach were to tap our shoulder and proceed to chase us into the sea.

Then, came student B. Student A was focusing on my class, writing out a proper essay and trying out the tips on description that I'd taught earlier in class. As soon as student A turned his head away, student B nabbed his essay and turned it into quite something else entirely.

I'm not saying that I approve of the contents but I'll admit choking out a laugh of disbelief and/or shock when I read it.

Click on the image for a larger view

Seriously though, what's this kid on?

Tiny little disclaimer: I have received full permission from my students to post up their essays.